how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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