yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
