Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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