That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
