Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
