You're completely useless in the revolution.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
