If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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