I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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