we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
