You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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