Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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