We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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