i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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