my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
