Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
