Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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