i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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