You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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