So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
