i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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