I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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