my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
