my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
