Sry I called you an 8
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
