I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
