so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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