I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
