The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
