I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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