ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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