wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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