if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
