wrigley field is MILF paradise
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
