Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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