I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
