Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
