so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
