I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
