you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
