i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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