Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
from now on my penis is your penis
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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