I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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