Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
