A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
