My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
