Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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