my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
