I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
