You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
