I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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