We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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