You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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