When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
