Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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