I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
