my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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