Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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